Monday, December 31, 2012

Mockbusted #7: Nazis At The Center Of The Earth

Can I just say that I love living in a world where "Space Nazis" is a thing that has its own entry on Wikipedia?

Okay, to be fair, I'm not quite sure if this movie technically counts as a mockbuster, if only because the movie that it is supposedly mockbusting according to the internet is Iron Sky, a film the was not what I would call mainstream. Still, this flimsy connection is enough of an excuse for me to talk about two kick ass Nazisploitation movies I loved, the Asylym one being possibly my favorite movie made by the company so far.

Iron Sky, for those who haven't seen it, follows a group of Nazis who fled the Earth after WWII and established a secret colony on the dark side of the moon, lying in wait for years until the present day, preparing for an invasion. I shouldn't have to say anything more than that to convince you of how awesome this movie is or that you really should see it. Unfortunately its not on Netflix Streaming, though you can get the DVD from them if you have that service. I loved almost everything about this movie, from the hero, a black astronaut turned white against his will by evil Aryan scientists, to the slow motion brawl at the U.N., to freaking Sarah Palin as the President of the United States, who just so happens to have a lot in common with Nazi propagandists. Its the kind of take no prisoners dark comedy that they would never make in America.

At least not in theaters anyway. Leave it to The Asylum and the director of Age of the Hobbits (aka Clash Of The Empires, aka Lord of the Elves, aka The History of Mankind) to take a concept as esoteric as Return of the Sci-Fi Nazi Party and make a movie that is if not better than the bigger budgeted example, at least five times as insane. Nazis At The Center Of The Earth is a movie I cannot recommend enough. Even if you are not a fan of The Asylum, schlocky movies, mockbusters, nazisploitaton, or anything else I talk about on this site, I would still recommend you see this movie as soon as possible, because it is so awesome, it literally transcends all taste. I want my super Christian grandmother to watch this movie, not because I think she'd appreciate it, but because I genuinely think everyone needs to experience the glorious accomplishment that is Nazis At The Center Of The Earth, whether they like it or not.

The story follows a group of scientists in Antarctica who are kidnapped by a regimen of Nazis living in the underground Hollow Earth led by Joseph Mengele. Wait, did I say Nazis? Sorry, I meant Zombie Nazis! These evil bastards have been keeping themselves together for years by harvesting the flesh of the living to sustain themselves, many wearing Sandman style gas masks to hide their rotting faces. The first time we see the inner workings of their installation, it is in a scene where one character is operated on for parts, and it sets the tone right away, where you think there's no way the movie is going to go as far as it ultimately does, and when it does, it quickly moves to the next scene and goes ever further. This is some of the most effective science fiction horror I've seen in a long time, and that includes big budget theatrical productions. I don't need the usual disclaimers about cheesy special effects or tonal problems you have to get past to enjoy this, because it looks fucking fantastic from start to finish, and sustains a level of suspense throughout that needs no qualification.

If there is anything anyone might complain about, it is the performance of Jake Busey, who plays a scientist about as unconvincingly as Tara Reid in Alone In The Dark, or Brooke Hogan in Sand Sharks. That being said, he was one of my favorite characters, who I took as a cheesy throwback to the overly hard nosed Men Of Science from sci-fi exploitation movies past. His insistence on ten years of Antarctic expertise and his increasingly absurd rationalizations for his behavior made me smile every time. Besides, once he forcibly extracts fetal tissue from his own wife to bring the disembodied head of Hitler back to life on top of a giant chainsaw/flamethrower armed robot body, these kinds of incidental quibbles are at best academic. Did I just spoil the fuck out of this movie? Maybe, but is there any possible way you won't be going to Netflix Instant right now to watch the fuck out of it because of that last sentence? I don't think so.

My only major problem with the movie is that with all the awesome Nazi related shit going on, I didn't get my sexy Ilsa She Wolf fix. My strange fetish for hot evil Nazi women has been well documented, and both this and Iron Sky failed to provide what should be a natural element of this kind of film. Iron Sky was perhaps more disappointing given that they came so close, giving me hot Nazis, but not hot EVIL Nazis despite the suggestive cover art, and here I suppose I can live with it in light of the fact that she would have had to be undead, but still, I'm a bit miffed. Also, the fall of Robo Hitler comes just up to the edge of having his head actually explode, which would have been a cool combo of Wolfenstein 3D and Bionic Commando, but for some reason they chose the last moments of the film to reign things in a little.

Overall, Nazis At The Center Of The Earth is the greatest movie of all time. Okay, that's probably pushing it, but it is fucking awesome, and I can't express effusively enough how much you need to give this amazing masterpiece a chance. As I alluded to earlier, this movie actually is on Netflix Streaming, unlike Iron Sky, and while I definitely think both films merit a watch, if you only see one Nazi Sci-Fi epic this year, make it Nazis At The Center Of The Earth.

But seriously, see both of them.


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