I normally have an arbitrary cut-off date for movies I'll review under the Cinema File banner, to enforce a measure of self-discipline in only featuring movies released in the current or previous year. Today's movie is probably the oldest Syfy Channel Original movie I have saved in my queue that still falls within this range, which is the whole reason I started the Schlockbusted series, to give me the opportunity to examine some of the older examples of Syfy's catalog among other "classic" schlocky movies on the underside of Netflix. Though I happened to come to this decision around the time I watched The Philadelphia Experiment, the level of excitement that inspired said decision is a total coincidence, and should in no way suggest that today's movie is anything other than a boring, completely pointless piece of crap.
The
Philadelphia Experiment is based on a famous urban legend surrounding
the officially non-existent Project Rainbow, a Naval experiment
designed to turn an aircraft carrier, specifically the U.S.S.
Eldridge, invisible. This supposed historical event was also the
inspiration for an 80's sci-movie of the same name that I've never
seen, and maybe that one explains it a bit better as to why
invisibility also entails teleportation and time travel, but screw
it, it's sci-fi, so I guess I just have to roll with it. Certainly
everyone else does in this movie, considering that despite its
relative obscurity, weirdly everyone in town down to a waitress seems
to already know the significance of the name “U.S.S. Elderidge”
without any context, as if the ship's disappearance in time were
somehow common knowledge. Maybe they all saw the 80's version.
This
updated take on the story seems to want to cast the ship itself as
the monster, or maybe the disaster. Not sure exactly where this movie
falls on that all too familiar axis of Syfy movies, though I can't
exactly say it falls somewhere in between like Ghost Storm, it
employs too many of the tropes of both to be considered something new
(as if this movie ever gives any indication that it is inclined
towards originality). Basically, big ship is lost in time, appearing
and disappearing sometimes in precarious fashion as when it lands on
top of a skyscraper, sending off waves of ill-defined timey wimey
effects, and I think at various points its in danger of exploding or
destroying the space time continuum for whatever reason. I really
couldn't be bothered to pay that much attention honestly, because the
presentation here is just so devoid of any energy sufficient to hold
my interest.
The
one bright spot is Nicolas Lea as the sole surviving crewman of the
Eldridge who finds his way off of the ship only to find himself in an
era completely unfamiliar to him. He has the standard action beats of
slowly discovering his new place in a scary modern world, seeing a
newspaper headline, passing by relatively futuristic technology and
strange culture and fashion, and of course the obligatory moment
where he's expected to pay for something and finds out the inexorable
horror of inflation. He plays it well and makes for a credible action
hero, even though I desperately wish it were in a better movie that I
could actually invest emotionally into. The rest of the cast is
mostly one note, save a cameo from Malcolm McDowell as a crotchety
old scientist who would have made the movie for me had they had the
good sense to keep him in long enough.
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| Notice how its the same pic as the 1st one? That's how boring this movie is! |
Not
that you would ever really have any opportunity to watch this save
the occasional re-run (assuming you don't save all the Syfy Channel
movies for the year and more like I do), but if you ever get the
chance, feel free to skip The Philadelphia Experiment. The logic is
muddled, the pacing is soul crushingly boring, and aside from a few
moments just on the edge of fun, there really aren't too many
redeeming qualities to point to. The science fiction elements aren't
even fun enough to justify the effort, and more importantly,
everyone involved seems to recognize this, as nobody comes off as if they are enjoying themselves making it. And be warned, even for SyFy movie
endings, this one is particularly dumb and anti-climactic. But again,
you shouldn't even get to that point, as you shouldn't ever be in a
position to watch this movie, let alone want to.
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