Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Big Blog Book Of The Bailyverse, Part Three: Character Sketches - Featuring Nicki Minaj

(Okay, that's a complete lie. This post has absolutely nothing to do with Nicki Minaj. It's just that my last post about her got twice as many hits as anything else I've ever done, so I thought I'd do a little experiment. Depending on the results, tomorrow you might come here to find that this is now the StupidBlueNickiMinaj blog. Cross your fingers.)

So anyway, it's time for another installment of more abject nonsense from my non-existent comicbook universe! Yay would be the appropriate reaction, in case you were wondering. No theme or context this time, just a few separate character sketches that haven't yet been integrated into the larger plot. Enjoy!

Exo: Basically the closest thing my universe has to an Iron Man-esque superhero, at least in the modern age. The idea is he's Tony Stark without the ingenuity or drive, an overgrown trust fund kid with no real world experience, living off the accomplishments of his leniege. Growing up with obsessivly overprotective parents, he is motivated as much by a pathological need to avoid physical harm as he is by his desire to fight evil. As such, when in battle, he wears not one, but multiple suits of battle armor, climbing into each successive one like a Russian nesting doll.

Survivor Type: Named after my favorite Stephen King short story, I imagine something like the kind of bitter, cynical, sarcastic chain smoking British crank that might headline a Warren Ellis book. His power is a Hyper Adaptive Immune System. Basically he heals fast, though not Wolverine fast, about three times the rate of a normal human, and he can survive most injuries and illnesses that would kill or seriously debilitate the average person. Also, once he survives a specific illness or injury, he becomes completely immune to it. When we first meet him, he will have already broken most of the bones in his body, rendering them now unbreakable, and his skin will be fireproof owing to the first traumatic event that led him to discover his powers, when he was burned severely as a child.

Gun Shy: Inspired by a minor character in one of the later Hitchhiker books, she would be completely immune to gunfire. Whenever a bullet or similar small projectile comes near her, it either swerves, halts, or fails to leave the gun it was in. She would eventually learn that this mystical protection is the result of her being a modern day goddess of ammunition. Bullets literally love her so much that they don't wish to harm her. Originally, when they first realized that their deity was being incarnated into human form, they would want to be closer to her, but they went through three goddesses before they figured out the flaw there. As a result, the one downside to her gift is that she can never fire a gun, as when a bullet gets close to her safely, it refuses to leave her presence.

Penny Black and May Day: A tag team of young adult superheroines, the first named for the first adhesive postage stamp (thank you Wikipedia random article button). She has the power to teleport anywhere in the world, but only by using locations in the minds of other people. Basically, she needs to be sent to her destination by someone else picturing it in their mind. Her best friend and crime fighting partner is May Day, who receives psychic distress signals from people in danger, which she uses in conjunction with Penny's ability to fight crime.

Bellyflop/Paunch: A superhero highlighting my obsession with super fatness. As a larger gentleman myself, I've always thought the idea of fatness as a superpower (as in The Blob and Bouncing Boy) to be an interesting well for storytelling potential. The idea that something that in everyday life could have such a profoundly negative effect on your self esteem could become not only the thing you are most known for, but the thing that places you above the rest of humanity seems frought with dramatic potential. Beginning as Bellyflop, this character would have a sort of semi-hard elastic fat body that he uses to deflect attacks and bounce enemies away (as opposed to The Blob's semi-gelatenous enveloping fat or Bouncing Boy's hyper kinetic fat). Self conscious about his superhero image being associated with his weight, he disappears for a year and gets in shape, but finds himself unable to get rid of the last few pounds of superhuman fat. Now mostly fit, he has one patch of elastic fat that he can redistribute around his body under his skin, now calling himself simply Paunch.

That's it for now. Stay tuned next time for a special Dynamic Duo edition fo this thing you don't care about. Happy Nicki Minaj everyone.
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