A little while ago I posted an essay about
my general thoughts on video game movies, and ended with the top five videogames I'd like to see made into movie, and the way in which I see them working best in film. Reading over the list again and re-listening to
the podcast that inspired it, I couldn't help wanting to come up with a few more. So here's a new batch of videogame movie pitches, in no particular order.
1: Okami
One of my favorite games of the modern era, a beautiful distillation of Japanese myths and legends and an interesting play mechanic with the use of painting to fight enemies and literally change the world. Probably a hard thing to adapt, with a lot of potential to screw up and turn into an Ice Age style farce, what with the protagonist being a wolf (or wolf shaped God thing). My thinking, go the Pixar route (or at least Pixar before the last two shitty ones), and make it a love letter to ancient Japan in the same way Brave was a love letter to Ancient Ireland. You'd have to resist the urge to make the little bug sidekick too wacky, try to avoid John Lequizamo or Eddie Murphy, and probably simplify the story a great deal, but I think it could work, even with the game's environmental message thrown in (minus the Ferngully-esque pretentiousness).
2: The Original NES Castlevania Trilogy
Bad ass 8-Bit monster fighting action, with a simple enough story with just enough variation in the first three old school iterations to expand upon and turn into a great series of action horror movies. I'd see the first one as basically Rambo, with one tough silent bastard taking on an army of monsters solo to get revenge on Dracula for killing his woman (or something, I don't even remember what it was in the game, and it probably doesn't matter). The next one follows his descendant trying to revive the King of Vampires out of a self-serving need to break his curse, flipping the script and basically making him the bad guy, and the final one will follow a further descendant putting together a team of bad asses Expendables style (including Dracula's own son, a witch, and a pirate) to atone for his family's past misdeeds from the second film and put Dracula down once and for all. I'd see Jason Statham in the first one, Michael Fassbender in the second, and Chris Hemsworth in the third as the Belmonts. I kind of hate to say it given how shitty it was, but the director of Van Helsing, Stephen Sommers might be good for it, if only for the visual style. Just give him a few better scripts to work with
3: Fear Effect
The story of three mercenaries hired to rescue the daughter of a high powered business man, thrust into a conspiracy involving demons that literally sends them to hell and back. One of my favorite survival horror games for the original Playstation. According to Wikipedia (which is always right), they tried to make this into a movie at some point, but thankfully, seeing as how apparently Uwe Boll had the rights, it didn't pan out. I originally thought this would make for a good Paul WS Anderson, Resident Evil style romp, especially with the female protagonist, so he could give his wife Milla another role. Then again, the more I think about it, with the Chinese mythology aspect and the amoral main characters, I'm kind of liking Quentin Tarrentino for it. If he'd want to try his hand at hybrid Cyberpunk Kung Fu Action Horror, I think it has the potential to be pretty glorious.
4: Zombies Ate My Neighbors
A super nintendo classic, owing much to the production team at Lucas Arts, who made a lot of the games I loved as a child, being a rabid old school adventure game enthusiast, and always delivered on a commitment to quality, almost getting better and better as they went on, essentially the inverse of the film division. I actually almost went with Day of the Tentacle instead, but I think this is probably a little less esoteric. Staying in line with my favorite movie of this year Paranorman, I'm thinking we go claymation horror comedy. Hell, might as well even stick with LAIKA studios, considering that after Paranorman and Coraline, I don't think they are capable of making a bad movie. I've never seen them try to make a movie where two teenage kids try to kill a giant baby with a rocket launcher, but I have faith in their talent and ingenuity.
5: Little Samson
Most people probably haven't heard of this game. It came out for the original NES but didn't sell very well apparently. I rented it once a long time ago and loved it, and later tracked it down via emulators. It might just be my favorite old school platformer, but more to the point, it's also the set up for what could be a fucking awesome fantasy adventure film in the mold of The Neverending Story or Willow. A group of four heroes are assembled, a human boy, a bad ass dragon, a rock golem, and a talking mouse that shits land minds, and set on a quest to defeat an evil wizard or something (who really cares ultimately) and save the world. Don't really have a great director in mind, though I'm always down for Jim Henson's Creature Shop to do the effects.
That's all I've got for now, but I might make this a running feature if I can think of any more. It's weird, as shitty as most videogame movies are, it's still fun to play around with the concept and dream of one that doesn't suck. Maybe one day. Maybe...if more important people would read my damn blog!
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